December Horoscopes

Aries (March 21-April 20) Wintry weather and cold shoulders can't hip-check you off your cause. True believers don't balk at a little logic! But do take a second look when someone asks you to sign on a dotted line. If that Leo in your life gives your tail a lift, think about switching to a salmon-based perfume and lead kitty by the nose. Big cats aren't so good with collars, but this one could follow you anywhere.


Taurus (April 21-May 21) Be mindful of the worthiness of those who keep your secrets. Also, keep an umbrella handy, or maybe a life-raft. I'm seeing a moist future for you, darling. Strap yourself up smartly, because the spotlight is on you to make the changes you want to see in your workplace. Sneak a peek at your 'box, just in case some-yum-one long ago wants to get in touch. You keep your standards high, even for favorite flavors.


Gemini (May 23-June 20) Other Geminis are loads of fun, but keep the twins wrangled for now. If you have a say in important matters, don't pass on the mic, even if you feel your position is obvious. We all enjoy a vicarious fantasy story, but dig your heels in at getting someone else's kicks. Live your own life, and you will shine.


Cancer (June 21-July 20) Playing house means sharing responsibility, Martha. You don't have to give up the crown, but it's time to rule by assembly. A more peaceful and smooth-running homestead could emerge from your noble, regal, and stylishly wrought changes. And you do make such a fine figurehead.


Leo (July 21-August 22) Calculate your excesses and plan your indulgence. There is nothing more embarrassing than missing a call from your boss on your cellphone because of the Sexy Times app, trust me. Good working relationships take time to grow, no matter how green the grass looks elsewhere. Set traps for free time and use it for naps or restful activities. Your social life could wear you out otherwise.


Virgo (August 23-September 22) The only one who can stop you this month is yourself. You are so hot right now, your S.O. needs to wear oven mitts. In the words of RuPaul, “Don't fuck it up.” Laziness and poor work habits are your enemies right now. Do whatever it takes to keep yourself focused and on-task. Also, keep your phone and cape handy. Someone is going to call on you for a rescue.


Libra (September 23-October 22) The holidays tend to be a pressure cooker for you, dollface. Do yourself a solid and take a day or three to let off some steam before your 'taters dissolve. Make sure important folk see you being responsible with your excesses, not just your backside as you sashay out of the office. Romance is lackluster this month, so you'll have to surprise yourself for Christmas.


Scorpio (October 23-November 21) That handsome stray Leo in your back yard is free to a good home, so make the real changes you need to welcome kitty into your life. Take advantage of all the resources in your workplace and stay fully abreast of new information. Yes, I said get on top of things. But otherwise, practice a holiday of moderation for the sake of your health and your heart.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 20) When collecting on an old debt, consider taking the chance to pay down one of your own. There are a few younger people in your life who could benefit from your insight and experience, but don't fret if they refuse it. Sweet romance lights a candle in the darkness, but do yourself a favor and hit the lights before you start relying on it.


Capricorn (December 21-January 20) You have a lot a reasons to smile coming up. Keep that grin plastered on during the difficult parts, and you've got this month in the bag. Your steady hand in current affairs keeps a sticky situation from getting tacky. But if you feel your awesome flagging, get to a handsome doctor right away.


Aquarius (January 21-February 18) You have fine talents in accepting the fact life flings crazy shit your way, but you might want to polish your grace up to serenity-level sparkle. Someone worth impressing will notice. Compromise and patience will make most difficulties this month untangle. Don't diagnose the health issues of others until you've got some licensing, even if you play a doctor on TV.


Pisces (February 18-March 20) You should always be honest, especially with your family. But you can be naughty and nice this month. Shower compliments and genuine praise before you drop any real wisdom. Keep your secrets to yourself, but don't embrace vagaries in romance. You might have to pump your S.O. for the good stuff, though.