I fell off the train and tumbled over rock and dirt until a sagebrush caught me. Night had fallen and swallowed up the receding lights of the train up above. I stumbled in the dark and climbed hand and foot to where the solid track lay. I started walking, first as a means of reaching Reno, and then to keep the bitter cold out of my limbs. The snowfall started around sunrise and blotted the world. I fed myself a few mouthfuls for water, but my coat and hat gave up the rest of my body's warmth. It was the wind that forced me down from the track and sent me scurrying for shelter.
Somewhere in my mind, I knew I had to remember how far from the railroad track I strayed. But snowfall paints a monotonous landscape and all I knew when I found the jutting outcrop of stone was that I couldn't feel my legs anymore. Thankfully I forgot this entirely when I tumbled into a pack of wolves. They too gathered to escape the razor wind and excitement warmed the blood.
I ran. A lot.
A flash of gold broke the white and brown world I flung through, and I chased it until it turned into a coyote. With a sudden bounding leap, the coyote cleared a gap I had not seen, and ducked into a narrow fissure of stone. I made the jump and banged my head, but managed to crawl after the beast into what I assumed what it's tiny den. The wolves barked and scrabbled at the entrance, but could not follow.
I remember at least that much before I slept. The coyote had curled itself against my chest when I woke and grumbled when I tried to dislodge it. Light warmed the dark shadows of the cave. I tried to move about on my knees, but the hard stone chilled as much as it hurt. Walking at a severe stoop allowed me to approach the entrance of our hiding place. I blinked in the dazzling sunlight that reflected off the new fallen snow and waited for my eyes to adjust. The wolves melted out of the whiteness and I shrieked and fled back inside. I hid with the shivering pup for a long time.
Night fell again and plunged us back into darkness and cold. I found only a few animal remains and no fuel for fire whatsoever in the cave. The coyote cleaved close to my side unless I stood, upon which it ran in spastic orbits around me, yipping and laughing excitedly. I ached with hunger and licked ice from the stones at the deeper part of the cave for water. The coyote tried to dance over my head when I did this, and my face dislodged a few stones that set off a tumbling. The ground nearby opened into a rift and a gust of chill air brought with it the smell of water and scattered splashes.
The beast disappeared down the hole and I listened to the persistent yipping that echoed up from the deep and the dark. I retreated to the other corner of the cave and waited for it to come back. Which it did, eventually, after much barking and grunting. Emerging from the shadows, it laughed and shook a spray of cold water from it's coat at me. Wet and cold, we slept again.
In the morning, I waited in the mouth of the cave for my eyes to welcome the sunshine glow and dared quick glances out for the wolves. The coyote begged for me to stay. I slid in the snow a bit and floundered into the drop. I had just pulled myself back onto my feet when the first wolfsong howled from beyond.
Back in the cave, we chewed on the snow stuck to my misshapen coat and hat. The coyote took a mouthful of my shirt and dragged me towards the depression on the other side. I shook him off. I considered if death by starvation was actually worse than being eaten by wolves.
"Here, here," the wolves grumbled at the entrance. "We've waited entirely long enough, madam. Cease this rude behavior and come outside to be eaten like a proper lady."
"Oh indeed!" they howled. "You must come outside. We are quite famished. Have you any manners at all?"
"If you do not come outside, we must assume you are a woman of low morals," they barked. "What would your father say?"
I considered the sword cane gripped in my frozen fingers and wondered.
The coyote stopped laughing and came close to me. I stared down at it's canine face and listened as it whined. We were both going to die here.
I decided. The hole was dark and cold and wet and close. I crawled on my belly. My hands bled. I got stuck and I cried. I twisted and begged and freed myself. Then I crawled some more.
The space opened and I heard the echoes widen around me. Water gurgled and splashed.
"Well," I said. "I'm here."
Even in the endless dark, I could see my reflection in the pool of water at my feet. I stared back at me and recognized myself.
"I came very far to get here."
I knelt and reached for the surface where my reflection mirrored the grasping hand.
"Is this where I'm supposed to be?"
The surface rippled. I saw my face flicker, brighten and grow a nest of coiled hair, sag with the weight of shame, pale in fear, black with regret. I hollowed out, cored like an apple, the vital parts of me hiding far away, and then made of myself a vessel where the self was not. The honey of me poured molten gold back into the shape wearing my face.
"Oh," I said. "I am the goddess."
My hand seized hold. I pulled myself out of the water.
I still got stuck trying to get back up into the coyote's cave. It laughed at me when I sprayed it with water from my sodden coat. The wolves howled outside.
"The idea that you would remain inside is sincerest poppycock! Come outside so we may rightly gobble you up. We are hungry!"
Wolves are always hungry.
"And stupid," the coyote said.
"Listen, sir wolves!" I shouted. "I am so very frightened of your sharp teeth and angry growling! You are much too terrifying for me to approach."
"Ladies must bear up under such fear," the wolves said. "It is their duty."
"If you would take your company away for a short time, I would be able to come outside and fall into a slumber. Then you could eat my in my sleep and I would not be scared away."
The wolves grumbled and growled in predatory conference.
"But if we remove ourselves, we cannot keep you from running away from your responsibility," they barked.
"If you see me escaping through the snow, then I deserve what catches up with me."
They seemed pleased at this prospect. "Very well, good woman! We shall return once again. Sleep well!"
The coyote snorted. Once the wolves had gone, we rolled the sharpest stones out into the entrance of the cave and onto the snow. I arranged them quickly into a pile and dressed them with my misshapen coat, hat, and boots. The coyote swept my returning footprints clean and then curled to my chest to keep me warm while we waited.
It was much darker when the wolves returned. They stepped gently around the body of stones and growled happily to each other. A few snarled and traded positions before all disciple broke and they tore into the cairn as one. And oh, how they howled! Their teeth broke and their stomachs bulged with heavy stones. They flopped and cried in the snow, whining for their mothers to give them comfort.
My father's sword sang free of the cane sheath and I slew them all.
The coyote told me how to slit each throat and drink the warm blood for nourishment. Then how to find tinder, strike a spark off the sword, and keep the fire burning. What parts to eat and what to leave for the scavengers. How to scrape the hides and wrap them stinking around my shoulders for warmth. And then finally, which way to the rail road tracks.
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